Of Mice and Men and My Love Life
I love like Lennie loves, wholly, completely and with so much force that it causes harm. I want to express my love in a tangible way, but that expression manifests itself as a broken neck, except mine, not his. I need a George, someone to say, “Christa, take it easy, slow it down.” I find myself mumbling “I just want to pet the rabbits.” And why shouldn’t I want that? It’s a simple enough dream. But simple isn’t always easy, and dreams don’t always come true.
Maybe I don’t want the dream, at least not really. Maybe I like the idea of the dream more than the dream itself.
I love the idea of spending a lazy Sunday with someone I love, reading, watching a movie, going for a hike. But history has proven that I prefer to read and watch movies and hike in solitude.
And yet, and still, I want to pet the rabbits.
So then, so now, I try to learn how to take it easy, how to slow it down.
How to love with a manageable force, a force that is still me, that is still mine, but a force that won’t break my neck.
